new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
