the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
