Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
