Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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