At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
