Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
