omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
