she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
