8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
be right there i have to get my cape
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
