I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
