he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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