They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just googled if crying burns calories
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just pee around me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize