I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize