It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
