Your face is a jimmy john
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They took my balls.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
