I think I died a long time ago.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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