I must be too annoying 4 u.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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