I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
