How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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