btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
