I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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