i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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