At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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