This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
