Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
