if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
