Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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