shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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