The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
