im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My ass is underappreciated
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
