she looked like the before picture.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
