u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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