dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
