Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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