Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
