You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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