i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
