Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
