Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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