so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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