What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
