I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have aggressive nipples.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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