I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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