This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
