I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
