Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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