I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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