trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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