Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
