dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
