Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
