He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
