I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
