Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
