ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nutella sex= disaster
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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