she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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