Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
