Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's get the cat blown out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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