My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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