No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
