The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
