if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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