I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
should my penis look like a turkey
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
