How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pooping to opera.
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