it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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