I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
