you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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