She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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