i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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